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Cake day: September 5th, 2023

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  • Started on Friday… still coming in waves. I had a breakdown a few weeks ago… just pushed myself too hard for too long…it was probably building up for at least a year. Went to the VA (veterans affairs, for those not in the US, the VA is the sole source of health care for many veterans in the US), and they started making adjustments to my anxiety and depression medications which eventually precipitated into a ER visit. A few days later, they got me hooked up with the mental health clinic where I talked to a provider about going on short-term disability while we’re messing with my medication doses until I feel normal again. He says something along the lines “sounds like a good plan, sned me the paperwork.”

    Queue up to Friday, I get a call from the insurance company saying they got the paperwork from the provider, and it recommends I go back to work. Now I’m out of PTO, disability is denied, and I’m trying to decide whether I lose my job or go back to work on while tettering between “extreme anxiety” and “drug-induced haze” from all the new prescriptions.








  • Nobody wants to think of the guy in the latest drone video as the father of a 6 month old who’ll never know their father because he was drafted by an authoritarian government to fight in an unjust war. I’m sure a lot of those Russians are full on board with the war, but I’m certain a lot of them aren’t, too. Same reason people have such a hard time empathizing with both the Oct 7 victims of Hamas and the Palestinian people. It’s horror enough thinking of these things as good vs. evil…it’s so much worse when you see all the grey. As an American, I can’t help but see Israel making the same mistakes we did after Sept 11. I’m sure they feel the same rage and fear I felt then, and I imagine it’s making them blindly lust for revenge just like I did. It’s all just so fucking bleak how easy it is to convince ourselves that our enemies aren’t people.